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About Me Member Wise Ass Catlyn15/Female/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 1 Year
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Important to know about me

Journal Entry: Sat Nov 21, 2009, 8:04 PM
Watch meNote meJournal Instructions


The Following Kasey Wrote about me:
The pain follows.



I am going to have more info on my page.

She makes journals about me, so I guess I can break a streak and go ahead and really really throw it out. She wants to tell everyone shit, Why don't I?





Concerning this:

I've always ran back to :whateveryousayicon: , or Catlyn because of everything in the world reminding me about her. One of the things closely relating to me is Kyo.

Kyo and Catrina represented our love, and she wants to be just my friend. 'just friends' . I finally snap myself into place after calling her today, mentioning a few things. If she wants us to be just friends without me getting all lovey on her, I wanted that Catrina and Kyo are done, and that they got to go. All of my fucking stories and 2 years of work trying to get her... back... after mike stealing her away, The only way for me to forget that is to forget my characters.

including her. but no, she wants to keep the characters and continuously toy with me. I am sick and fucking TIRED of holding back. I let her talk all she wants about me while I write poetry to myself about the past I so loved and enjoyed.

Its like she's using me so I'll be there on a rebound. But the moment I hang up, she goes to make a journal and make me feel GUILTY AND THE BAD GUY AGAIN! I want the drama and BS to stop, but she wont let it! I keep trying to come up with ways that'll take my love away from her, and she warps every idea like its worse than the next... and put everything I say on the phone right online- without HER even saying the whole conversation.

You know what Catlyn, I know you are reading this and I know god damn well you know what I am talking about and trying to say. You tell all your friends shit so they think I am the bad person here, while I try to explain things that its at a neutral level PROTECTING BOTH OF US FROM ANY CRAP. YOU BRING ME DOWN SO FAR ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY, MY HEART IS NOT A FUCKING GAME BOARD.

You're right about everything you said to me on the phone. I don't know WHY I loved you. Maybe it had something to do with you being the only one listening to me, the first one to accept my call, and the fact you did what ever you could to talk before you CHEATED on me. Yes, you fucking CHEATED on me! STOP TELLING YOUR FRIENDS THATS NOT THE CASE.

I blocked you for reasons, and I finally dewatched you. It sounds petty, I know. But its an accomplishment to me because its something I never had the heart to do. You're always bringing me up and kinda hinting here and there to keep my heart assuming you still want me.. you still love me when thats not the case... You were using me.

You love my talents to yourself.
You want someone to talk to without the stress.

I don't know why anymore... maybe I just didn't want 2 years to go to waste. I should have stopped at one.

Remember that kind little kid you loved, the soft voice you heard, the shyness in his voice, the one that was always there for you?

Thanks for taking that last bit of good from my heart. You destroyed me...

all my friends kept telling me to stop talking to you. All of my friends told me how much they disliked you.

Now I see why. I just wish I saw it from their eyes sooner.




This is the end of that.



Catlyn, I never met you. None of my stories ever had you in it. There is no sign of anything from that anymore.

I am going back through all my accounts, all my story books, all of my love letters, and that letter you mailed me.

it is going in the shredder, and this time, its not comming back.


Say goodbye to the last of your past, and i hope you throw your life away to whatever else you had.

and if you think I am typing this without a care, your wrong. I am crying the last of tears I want to be caused from the pain.

Goodbye forever. Sorry I have to break the promise of coming to visit you.



First. and i swear on everything. If i'm lying take my life away from me.
I NEVER cheated on Kasey.
I NEVER did.

And the only time i ever used him was...a little after me and him stopped dating..

When i really felt like i needed his love to feel complete with michaels.

I'm NOT a good person.
And he speaks it.

I'm not nice.

But all this done with a purpose

I didn't want him to love me anymore.
And it seems
Its finally going to happen.

Why should someone love somebody like me?!
Someone halfway cross America.
I didn't want that for him.
Hes going to be unhappy i know this.

But that phone call today outraged me.
I pleaded him to stop talking about his feeling.
because i knew mine for him were depleting. not gone. but dying.

-sighs-

.i dont want you guys to feel sorry for me.
Because what i did was horrible..and awful..mean

-frowns-
At last maybe he is at peace.

Hey kasey if you're reading this. Send somthing towards my Dally account. Do you want Cianna? because i dont feel right having her....

At my dads still; still working on my arts...

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Comments


:iconwhattherabbit:
~whattherabbit Nov 13, 2009, 9:27:37 PM
I LOVE your webcam! LOL

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k y a ~

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:icongourmandhast:
~Gourmandhast Nov 10, 2009, 3:55:44 PM
That's some nice artwork you have, I like the way you color them; your shading and lighting are very well done. Line art is pretty neat also.

Keep up the good work and practice hard. By the way, if you are interested in Superhero art, Fantasy art and Video Game art styles drop by my gallery whenever you got time.

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:iconslaskix:
~Slaskix Nov 10, 2009, 4:01:39 PM
Haha, i see what you're doing, promating yourself.
:3 you've got guts son

For that i'll go check you out :D

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:iconstarria-embersong:
~Starria-EmberSong Nov 5, 2009, 3:36:21 PM
Mrrrrrrrrow.

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:iconsilverthehedgehog555:
~Silverthehedgehog555 Nov 5, 2009, 2:14:11 PM
XD your webcam is so... :iconedwardcullenplz:

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